What was different this year?

The question I have gotten the most is, “What was different this year than last year?”.  I know I gave away the big answer yesterday, but there is more to tell!  

As I mentioned, the people of Bugenyuzi are different.  The ramifications of them being healthier is huge.  It made me chuckle one night as we had our team debrief.  One member said their favorite part of the day was seeing the moms interact with their babies.  I had noticed this too but for a different reason.  Last year, the moms had very little interaction (that I noticed in the short time we were there) with the children except if it was time to nurse or if the mom wanted to get a photo or a handout.  

typical gathering of  the women last year

It seems a couple things are in play.  First, the moms are not dying.  If you consider last year 3 in 4 moms died in childbirth, then obviously there were not many moms that were able to interact with their children.  Second, the babies are not dying.  There is less need to put up barriers to protect yourself from the devastation of losing a child.  There is freedom to bond.  Astounding when you think about it.

I never saw the women gathered off on their own this year.  They were always among all the others and typically with a baby in tow.

There was certainly a sense of intrigue and reservation last year.  They were skeptical about why we were there and what would happen next.  We did not know how they would receive us or what they would expect of us.  They were watching us and we were watching them.  This year it was clear that we were friends.  We were free to enjoy life together because there was no question of our motives or what our love would cost them.

Our relationship with Harvest for Christ was different.  Last year our relationship was more business.  We were deciding if they were a group we felt we could invest in, trust, and partner with.  They were figuring out the same for us.  We did not know what to expect of or from each other.  This year we are in love with their ministry and we found that they put a lot of confidence in us.  (AKA we came back and they worked us hard!)

Another big difference was me.  Although 10 days in Africa a year ago did not make me an expert, it did give me a foundation to build on for a return.  This time, I was not shocked by what I saw.  My heart was already broken and I had a year to mull over all the things I wished I had done and asked.  I was not worried about the food, the bugs (ok, maybe a little bit), the weather, clothing, malaria pills, sleeping conditions, showers, translators, pictures, etc.

As much as I hate to admit it and although this was not my heart at the time, last year was probably more about me than it ended up being about them.  I did not mean for it to be.  I chose to go because I felt strongly that God was asking me to go.  I wanted to share His love with people who are not shown any love.  Unfortunately, after I got there, it was suddenly about how I felt, if I would get a shower, how I slept, what I could teach them, what God was teaching me, what I was grateful for, and how my life was forever changed.

I suppose an element of the motivation for this years mission was still about me. It's because of how I feel, my heart is broken and I am absolutely in love with this village, that would prompt me to return.  I guess most of what we do is based on how we feel or what we get out of things.  If we are honest, too little in our lives is actually purely unselfish.  

God can use anyone and I know I am not a savior.  He could send many people in my place to accomplish as much if not more.  Yet, I wanted to be the lucky one that got to go and He seemed to be up for the challenge.  This year, I was aware that my return was more a gift to me than it was to Africa.  So with a concerted effort toward humility, I was glad to bypass much of the culture shock and try to focus less on myself and more on the people I went to serve.  I suppose that is the constant battle and prayer of my life.  More of Him and less of me.

So what was different this year than last year?  Oh, you know, everything.